Sister Flatulina Grandé

Sister Flatulina Grandé

What is your full Sister name?

(Sister Big Fart to you gringos!)

Other Aliases

Flatulina, Flatch

Date you joined the Order?

1990, black veil 1991

What is your occupation?

Retired Corporate MIS Whore turned Housewife

Date of birth?

02-18-19FU

Hometown?

Excramento, California

(OK! Sacramento! But don’t hold it against me!) I moved to San Francisco in 1990 and have been at home ever since.

When did you discover your calling?

Angels in Whiteface, 1990.

Sister V.V. (Vice & Virtue) and Cardinal Anal Receptive were gracious enough to take me in on weekends during the six months it took to make the move from the Valley to the City. Almost every weekend had some special event or action that required each of us to create an appropriate outfit. Lets just say Macy*s just didn't have the “look” we were searching for.

Sister V.V. and I would begin every Saturday scouring the City for ingredients to create that night’s costume. Fabric stores to dumpsters, silk fabrics to vintage lampshades, trinket shops in the Mission to Tiffany's (OK Tiffany, the girl next door). We considered everything to be sacred and we were prepared to wear it. The rest of the day would be spent sewing, primping and painting our faces until we had transformed ourselves in to Midnight Divas.

Sister V.V. taught me to sew costumes and paint my face and I guess her influence made me look a little too Nun-ish, which led to some confusion in the order as to what I was up to and if I was dressed as a Nun or just a freak. It all came to a head when a local bar patron told me I looked like the fiesta display at Safeway! I told him, “Dear Sir, in the morning my costume will be stowed and my make-up will be washed away. I will once again look like a normal human being. Unfortunately for the rest of us, Sir, you will still look like a toothless old drunk!” So I guess you can say that I got my calling from a bar fly! His rudeness forced me to decide to sew or get of the pot and I decided to make it official and formally join the order. (The bar patron was never seen again. Weird.)

Sponsor in the Order?

Sister Vice & Virtue, A Nun from Above

Why did you join?

My passion to play dress up brought me in but it was my exposure to the Sisters that showed me a whole new way to do public service. Being a Sister gives you a public voice and a whole new way to create change. It is an amazing experience to be able to walk up to almost any person on the street and be able to talk with them with out barriers. It is also incredibly moving to have a complete stranger come up to you and explain, with tears rolling down their cheeks, how much the Sisters have helped them as a recovering Catholic. I have never, for one moment felt any guilt for being Gay and nobody should be made to feel that way!

Religious beliefs (if any)?

The bible is "not to be tossed aside lightly.

It should be thrown with great force."

Major projects with the Order?

I have worked on many projects with the order, most notably:

Helped form the Sister's Queer Army with Sr. Bufadora
Lead the incredibly successful Easter Sunday demonstration at the Capitol Christian Center in Sacramento.
Helped fill an entire row of a DC-10 with Nuns as we flew in costume to the March on Washington D.C.
Burned cop cars, oops! I mean, demonstrated against the veto of AB101 (California Gay Rights Bill)
Appeared in the Human Sexuality class at UCSF
Worked countless Folsom Street Fairs and Halloweens in the Castro
Grand Marshal Sister Float in the 2001 SF LGBT Parade
Sister Go-Go dancer for the B-52s, 2001 SF LGBT Parade
Sister Video project, digitizing 30 years of SPI video
Mistress of the Web Team
Style Police at Life Ball, Vienna Austria, July 2010
Goals and Aspirations?
Blow the San Francisco Giants. (OK, the rest of the Giants! So picky!)

Rules by which I believe?

"Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;

Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give;

Gas smells awful; You might as well live."