Guard Garter Well
Other Aliases
There is only one Guard Garter.
Most commonly misheard name
Commonly misheard; never the same way twice.
Lay Occupation
Garter is a successful lab tech specializing in wet chemistry. It’s a glamorous calling in spite of the occasional chemical burns. PPE Yo!
Hometown
Guard Garter grew up in French Camp, CA, lived in San Francisco from 2007 to 2012, and now in Twin Falls, Idaho with their love.
Date Joined The Order
2006
Elevated to Fully Professed Member
September 2008
When Did You Discover Your Calling?
When Sr. Constance Craving sat me down at Cafe Flore and told me about the Guard calling. She asked me is I wanted to be a Sister and I said no. She commented that I could be Saint or a Guard, and as soon as I heard what a Guard was I knew that was my calling. was never called to be a Sister; I am a nun in Guard habit.
Mother In The Order
My Mother is Sr. Flora Goodthyme
Why did you choose the mama you did?
Mama was the only mama I wanted. She told me to go find somebody else, and I didn’t. Right up to my elevation she was noncommittal.
Big Sisters
My Big Sisters are Srs Constance Craving, Sr. Jezabelle of the Enraptured Sling, and Sr. Roxanne Roles
What did you learn from your Big Sisters?
About my calling, from Constance.
From Sr. Roxanne I learned a lot about navigating the order.
She gave me her handbook.
Sr. Jezzabelle taught me what it meant to be a Guard and how that would manifest for me.
Major Projects In The Order
● Chair of Pink Saturday 2008
● Security for Pink Saturday from 2008 to 2012
Goals & Aspirations
To stay in touch with my order and connected to the community.
Rules that you live by?
Leave the world a better place than how you found it.
Ministerial Focus
To serve my Sisters and my community. This means watching out for them.
Religious Beliefs
No, thank you.
Do you have any children?
I am barren.
Do you have any little Sisters or Brothers?
I’m Sr. Pagan Ritual’s Big Brother.
What “is” Guard Garter in a nutshell”?
Your friendly neighborhood lawn gnome focused promoting self-care.
Is there anything else you want the curious to know?
I have never put on a wimple.