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Guard Garter Well

Email Address 


Other Aliases

There is only one Guard Garter.

Most commonly misheard name

Commonly misheard; never the same way twice.


Lay Occupation

Garter is a successful lab tech specializing in wet chemistry. It’s a glamorous calling in spite of the occasional chemical burns. PPE Yo!



Guard Garter grew up in French Camp, CA, lived in San Francisco from 2007 to 2012, and now in Twin Falls, Idaho with their love.


Date Joined The Order



Elevated to Fully Professed Member

September 2008


When Did You Discover Your Calling?

When Sr. Constance Craving sat me down at Cafe Flore and told me about the Guard calling. She asked me is I wanted to be a Sister and I said no. She commented that I could be Saint or a Guard, and as soon as I heard what a Guard was I knew that was my calling.   was never called to be a Sister; I am a nun in Guard habit.

Mother In The Order

My Mother is Sr. Flora Goodthyme

Why did you choose the mama you did?

Mama was the only mama I wanted. She told me to go find somebody else, and I didn’t. Right up to my elevation she was noncommittal.

Big Sisters

My Big Sisters are Srs Constance Craving, Sr. Jezabelle of the Enraptured Sling, and Sr. Roxanne Roles    


What did you learn from your Big Sisters?

About my calling, from Constance.

From Sr. Roxanne I learned a lot about navigating the order.

She gave me her handbook.

Sr. Jezzabelle taught me what it meant to be a Guard and how that would manifest for me.


Major Projects In The Order

●    Chair of Pink Saturday 2008

●    Security for Pink Saturday from 2008 to 2012


Goals & Aspirations

To stay in touch with my order and connected to the community.


Rules that you live by?

Leave the world a better place than how you found it.


Ministerial Focus

To serve my Sisters and my community. This means watching out for them.


Religious Beliefs

No, thank you.


Do you have any children?

I am barren.


Do you have any little Sisters or Brothers?

I’m Sr. Pagan Ritual’s Big Brother.


What “is” Guard Garter in a nutshell”?

Your friendly neighborhood lawn gnome focused promoting self-care.


Is there anything else you want the curious to know?

I have never put on a wimple.

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